However, the more I surrendered to the process and the more I started to collaborate with it, a bit easier was for me to let go of everything that didn't support my true essence any more. It is like a huge transformation, when all your concepts, old patterns, subtlest fears, denials, wounds, illusions start to be recognized and you are ready to let them go. It's facing death as your old is dying, all is purging, cleansing, clearing, falling away and light and dark are suddenly all the same. One. (I just got familiar with Japanese word KAGE that means both, dark and light in one and it makes so much sense to me...) It's chaos, it's mess, it's fog, but there is also a light there. Small flame that starts to shine when you are ready to stand in your presence whatever it may look like or feel like.
The only intention I had was to stand rooted in my true nature firmly and to know who I really am. I became ready to give myself the time that my soul/body/heart/mind need and being present with myself fully. Holding myself, providing myself with lots of Silence, Alone Time, Peace, supporting myself with tools that are available and learning what works for me best. Getting to know what is good for me and what is not. Getting to know my humanness and ...putting myself on the first place in my life. This became my process of becoming here and now and it is still in the process.
I've realized I met Kali. The Goddess of destruction and creation, the Goddess of Death and Rebirth, the Goddess of Nature itself. I realized how much I was afraid of Kali, the dark, the mess, the blood, the underground, the death, as she is the Dark Mother and connected with death and destruction. Then I realized you have to go through this messy chaotic place to grow your roots. To know who you are. To feel the deepest wisdom hidden in there. To actually stand strong. Kali just became my best friend. She is actually very supportive, gentle and has the huge tender heart, as mother for her child. She just doesn't stand any bull-shit. ;) Her sword cuts it away as she wants to leave you with nothing but love. And she also enjoys life, raw sensual life. She knows that from deepest chaos ...a creation is happening and rebirth is imminent. There's no creation without destruction and this means separation of the worlds. Suddenly facing and addressing my fears (and by this I speak about deeper than deepest fears, going also back in many lives and ...it's like prime fear) became my golden experience and I am soooo grateful for it that my heart is getting fuller and fuller. And even bigger, wider, more trustful. And my mind is opening to new paradigm, perceptions and downloading new programs, this time much more aligned with my soul and heart essence. I am seeing fear from another perspective, as we more feel the fear of the fear itself than the phase of going through it, actually starting to experience the gift of it. Maybe it's an ever evolving process, but being peaceful with it...it's a reward by itself. Every new stage of your life will demand a different you, that's for sure. Now I can start to glimpse the beauty of such a huge process.
Nothing can stand on your way when you address your fears and no one can actually blow you away when you stand in your true core self. The gift of Kali is Freedom and new, true Life.
Sacred Feminine will demand you ALL and nothing that is founded on false foundation will be able to come forward in true life. This is the shift into the new paradigm and I guess, it can only be made with deepest preparation and pure trueness on every level of our being.
I feel this is how the birth looks like, also. And this is all the same - micro, macro, universal level. Maybe also our Earth is birthing herself into another version of herself. And maybe...we have to be ready to go with it?
ABOUT KALI: https://www.themystica.com/mythical-folk/articles/kali_ma.html